You are a liar
by Rhaegal Nymeria Stark
Summary: Takes place before "Bitter Guest and Joyful Wedding." A group of the 100 leave and get away from the tribes. Monroe is one of them. She and Niylah have a moment where Niylah accuses her of something. But she can't really blame Monroe for doing this. Implied eventual Niylarke and Monarke.


**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.**

 **You are a liar**

A whole year went by after Mount Weather.

It felt incredibly not real. The fact they were all still alive felt unreal. It felt unreal that some of them had formed deep relationships since then. It felt unreal that many of them had become like brothers and sisters to each other. And that many Grounders had come with them on their travels and also had become like family to them. It felt so unreal.

For at least half of the party that had left the territory of the Commander Lexa's people, going off into the different territories and eventually escaping into the desert and stealing boats from the Floukru, going across the ocean, this was strange and an oddity. And reaching where they were now. And they were as close as any blood related family.

Here they were, a traumatized, traveling family in the City of Lights.

It was a weird thing to think. But now, here in this unnatural mechanical city of towers without any human beings, except for themselves, where only herds of deer, packs and packs of wolves, and a few prides of lions and many nests of eagles, and alligators roamed, joining them in the competition for territory, it was the closest they knew to having a normal life.

Raven loved the mechanical wonders of the city. Many of them were small drones that still had their remote controls. Raven used them to occasionally spy on the Commander and Polis. She would use the controls to keep the drone above the city, out of eyesight of all human beings, and use the camera on the drone to survey everything in Polis and listen in on those below on the ground.

Thanks to the camera and the speakers, Raven learned that Lexa was beginning to wonder what to do about the Sky People.

So Clarke and the others knew that they'd have to return one day, if only temporarily, to make sure that their people were safe and try to force their people into the Coalition. But they weren't going to for now. They had all come to the conclusion when they left before. Why should they show any real respect for their own people? Even Clarke's mother, Abby Griffin had sent them all down to Earth, all for the sake of seeing whether or not they could survive on Earth.

And Clarke, Raven, Wells, Monroe, Jasper, Monty, Harper, Sterling, Del, Deek and all the other kids that had run had no doubt even a little that the grown-ups still wanted them under their control. They were sent down to be lab rats, but when they had spent a longer time on Earth, the moment the grown-ups came down, those that were younger were expected to fall in line.

It made even those that were the most tolerant of the adults' behavior, like Clarke become disgusted. Especially with her mother. Even Kane had gotten the drill and understood that they needed to adapt. And he started respecting Clarke, Wells, Raven, Octavia, Bellamy and even Lincoln's authority. But Abby? The most self-righteous and possibly most self-centered adult in power in that group of adults? There was no chance of her beginning to cooperate.

It was a sad fact, but Clarke was beginning to realize how shallow her mother really was.

She wished she didn't know that. But she did. She did know that. And it was painful to know. Clarke had known after her mother had killed her father and let her best friend, Wells, take the blame, that she should have figured that out.

But people in the end, saw and believed what they wanted to see and believe. And Clarke had wanted to believe that her mother was a good person. But it was getting harder to convince herself of that. How could she believe that her mother had even an ounce of decency when Abby wanted all of the delinquents to be treated as children and the more violent ones who had earned their pardons before to be treated like criminals again? How could Clarke believe that when Abby treated her like she was a pariah whenever Clarke threw a command around? Abby made it clear she did not respect Clarke as a leader. She didn't respect any of the 100 as leaders. Especially not Clarke.

That was also a very sad reality. So many of them were very happy to just stay here.

There was no point in going back unless their people back on the other side of the world were in immediate danger.

So the last of the 100, the last thirty-five, save for Octavia who had stayed in Polis with Lincoln and Miller who stayed under Bellamy's command and with his guard father, David, Raven, the trader and healer Niylah, Niylah's father and many other Grounders chose to stay here.

It was a strange, but not at all unwelcome or unpleasant life. There were thirty-five Sky people, plus Raven, and a few adults and parents that had come with them. That made eighty-six. And from the travels they had made between tribes, nomads and Grounders from different tribes coming with them, distrusting the Commander after she gave their peoples' age old enemy bone marrow and calling the Commander untrustworthy and calling Clarke, "Wanheda," they now had one hundred and fifteen Grounders with them.

At first it had been a rough few changes. And they had survived on fish they stole from the Floukru. And now, here in this abandoned city, they had a great deal of food. Deer, foxes, lions, raccoons, coyotes, wolves, eagles, alligators, cougars and bobcats they could shoot or stab and use as meat. They had access to the ocean, so they could use the Floukru nets to fish. There were leftover crops that now grew wild and they took advantage of those crops. Nuts, berries, some onions, tomatoes, pumpkins, radishes, beets, butternut squash and brussel sprouts. There were fruits that grew in the wild now with no human interference. Apples, pears, cherries, plums. Clarke and her people started on breeding the animals for more food and planting more of the crops for food. They were starting their new life with new resources.

There had once been two hundred and one of them. Now? Now there were six new additions to their group eighty-six Sky people and ten new additions to the Grounders that had come with them. There had been implants put into all people on the Ark to keep them from reproducing and having more than one child. But there was no need for them now. So with the little technology they had, Clarke and the others removed the implants from those that wanted the implants out.

And the six babies that followed were the results.

The Grounders had NO implants. So nothing kept the women from being pregnant when they had much more free sex lives than the Sky women did. And there were no real surprises with them.

The many Grounder babies that were birthed were additions to their screwed up group and they were okay with that.

Del and Cathy had a close relationship and while on the ships on their way to the new land, Cathy had given birth to Del's daughter. They named her Keena.

Atom and Harper had slept together a few times. When Atom wasn't busy having sex with Monty, he had sex with Harper. It was when they were traveling around the lands of the Shallow Valley people that Harper was beginning to show. She, like Cathy, had given birth on the boats, only a month after Keena had been born. It was a boy. They named him Robbie.

Tim, Fox, Roma and Charlie were all in a relationship. And none of them had their implants in during the sex. So it was up in the air who was the father of whose child. Just that Roma started showing first and then Fox did. Months later right when they were entering Floukru territory. When they started settling down in the City of Lights, Roma gave birth. A few weeks later Fox did too.

Roma had a little boy that she, Tim, Fox and Charlie named Gavin. And Fox gave birth to a girl that she and her three lovers named Arianna.

The big guy, Jones, who had sex with Deena now had a daughter he and Deena had named Jody.

Wells and Raven's daughter had been the biggest surprise of them all. Partially because Clarke hadn't known that Raven had taken out her implant. She hadn't thought that Raven wanted kids. But she had as it turned out. And when Raven had showed Clarke, the dark-skinned young woman had practically beamed, despite all her nervousness over realizing it herself.

Wells had been so happy. He had looked like he might burst out in tears from sheer joy.

Clarke had watched the two of them, happy for them as Wells kissed Raven's throat, hugging her and laying his head against her stomach, listening to the tiny heartbeat within Raven's belly. Clarke was happy for both of them. But the woman who was practically her sister and the young man that was practically her brother were going to be parents soon. And she knew that She could not have as much interaction with them as freely now, because their main attention would be on their little one who would be born in a few months.

So she had left them to their happiness, not letting her feelings be known.

She had felt eyes on her and had looked to see Niylah watching her knowingly.

Raven gave birth to a little girl who she and Wells named Jamie.

Clarke had refused to let anyone close to her heart again after Lexa's betrayal at the mountain. She could not trust again. Her mother had betrayed her and her father. Finn had betrayed her and Raven both. And Lexa had betrayed her and all of her people. She could not trust anyone with her heart.

If what happened at the mountain was any lesson, she could not give anyone her heart.

She had not taken out her implant and only had sex for fun. She never involved her emotions.

As her family got closer, she realized she could not have sex with anyone as freely anymore, unless she wanted to hurt them. Then Niylah had pursued her. She had always known that Niylah had an interest in her. But she hadn't expected Niylah's attentions to come the way they did. She hadn't expected how much affection and even love that were in those dark eyes. But Clarke had only given an air of distrust and unease after she had seen that tender love. Niylah did not judge or become offended. She had nodded and smiled, as if to say, _"when you're ready. Come to me when you're ready."_

How she and Niylah had left it had left Clarke feeling strange and almost lighter than before. But she hadn't thought too much about it.

Now, their people all settled into the city, almost a year after escaping the Grounder territories, her lessons to those that were not literate continued.

A troubling number of the delinquents did not know how to read. It was something that Wells had pointed out to Clarke when he told her that Murphy on their first day down had written "dye" instead of "die." He had suggested that Murphy didn't know how to read and they had wondered how many of the delinquents besides Miller knew how to actually read.

Clarke and Wells had gone about the task of asking some of the others as politely as they could and would offer to teach them how to read.

Some of the more embarrassed delinquents refused to ask for help. But some of them, like an awkward Atom and Harper had stepped up, Robbie in Harper's arms. A few more delinquents had stepped forward for lessons. And to Wells and Clarke's surprise, some Grounders had to. As it turned out, unless it was a required skill, many Grounders didn't bother learning how to read. Their only needed skills had been fighting or sewing or fishing and farming. Their skills when it came to reading had not been explored.

So there were many lessons that took place in the City of Lights. The City of Lights had a startlingly large library near them. And Clarke, Wells, Raven, Monty, Jasper (the ones that could read) exploited the library and took books out and helped the others learn to read.

Jasper reading to a few interested Grounders had been surprisingly good for the boy. He had the group enraptured. And it gave the boy a sense of confidence that he needed. To have strong and powerful Grounders interested in his words and to see them sit around him peacefully made him less nervous around them. It gave him a new way to look at them.

Poor Jasper still cried in his sleep over Maya. Especially when he saw the many couples together. Monty, Raven, Clarke and some of the others would lay down with him while he slept and hugged him, let him cry into their chests and necks till he fell asleep. From what they could see, Jasper was getting better. Or coping better.

And considering all they had been through, that was probably the best they could ask for or expect.

Amongst those that had come to "reading sessions," was Zoe Monroe. She mentioned that her mother had been literate, but had died when Monroe was young from being floated for stealing food. And her father hadn't bothered with reading. So when he eventually drank himself to death, there had been no one left to teach a thirteen-year-old Monroe how to read, or to keep her from stealing for rations or medicine and eventually getting caught and thrown into the skybox.

It had been a terrible thing to know, hearing that Monroe had been only thirteen when she had lost her father and had been arrested. That meant that she had been isolated in the skybox for years till they came down to Earth. When Monroe had turned seventeen. She had spent almost four years isolated and alone.

Knowing that made Monroe joining Bellamy's violent group at the beginning make sense. She wanted a community. She wanted a family. She had wanted companionship. Friends. That probably explained a lot for many of the delinquents and their early behavior on the ground.

One by one through their travels, Clarke learned the others' stories. Not all of them had the convenience that she and Wells had of being as privileged and knowing each other so closely. Or the convenience that Jasper and Monty had of always having each other. Many of them, like Monroe, Atom, Jones, Del, Deek, Cathy, Roma-they had been alone. So when they had seen a chance to become the part of a tight-knit group that had that "us against the world" attitude, like the one that Bellamy had offered the first few weeks on the ground, they had taken it instead of seeing it for how selfish it was, all taken up out of resentment.

But Clarke didn't judge them, just told them that they deserved the warmth and love they had now. Because what else did mistreated orphans deserve except a second chance at a real family and love?

Clarke spent many days reading to the others, letting them take guesses at what some of the letters were and having them write down the letters and speak the letters out loud. Monroe was the one who had the lessons most often, seeming happy to learn. There were times when Clarke was sure that she saw comprehension on the girl's face when she looked at some sentences, but then her face would blank and her eyebrows would narrow in confusion.

That was okay. Clarke kept teaching Monroe. She found she enjoyed teaching Monroe. She wasn't sure why. But Monroe's presence soothed her in a way that she hadn't expected. Monroe's presence was like a strong and reassuring comfort that Clarke saw and knew she was safe around. She thought for a while that that might just be the same as when she was around Wells and Raven. Familial love. Comfort of a protective family member.

Nowadays, when she found her heart skipping a beat when she felt Monroe's eyes intensely on her, she wasn't so certain about that thought.

What Clarke didn't know, was that one day, Niylah had confronted Monroe about the lessons that Monroe had gotten from Clarke.

On that day, unbeknown to Clarke, an agreement had been made between the two women.

Half a year ago, Niylah had confronted Monroe, her face full of humor. She had a big smile on when she looked at the younger woman.

"I know what you're hiding, Munroh kom Skaikru." She had said to the other. The braided young woman had tensed next to the bookshelf of older novels and the large books containing stories by "Jules Verne." "I don't know what you're talking about, Grounder." Monroe responded. Her jacket was off and the arms were tied around her waist like a belt, the jacket hanging against her legs.

The air around the city was warm and the sun sliced through the opening clouds without a care.

It was a beautiful day today. Which was why most of the transportable bookshelves on wheels had been pulled outside by Clarke, Wells, Harper and others helping. Books from Jules Verne to other fiction and many nonfiction books were stacked up and surrounded the different reading groups around the cracked moss, fern, mushroom and weed clinging streets and sidewalks.

Across the street, legs out in the unused road, a book on his lap was Sterling with Fox next to him, holding Arianna in her lap. Fox was showing her daughter what the girl's uncle Sterling had in his hands and Sterling read to the baby girl. Atom had Robbie on his knee and was showing the baby some pictures in a book. Pictures from one of Dr. Seuss's books.

All of the books had been covered in dust, but a severe dusting from all of them had more or less cleaned the books up enough for the pages to be looked at.

Monroe put the book in her hands, a book with the title that read "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" up on the stack of books and looked at Niylah with many questions on her face. Niylah's smile never stopped from being on her face. "I know what you are doing, Munroh. And I don't blame you. It is wise what you are doing. Or wise enough to keep yourself hidden. If I had thought of it, I may have done the same." Monroe frowned, not sure she understood what Niylah was saying. "What are you talking about?" Monroe asked, waiting with confusion.

The smiling, light-haired Grounder sighed, "I know what you're doing. Pretending that you can't read so you can spend more time around Klark. Don't try to fool me. I know. And I approve. Well done."

Niylah's smile widened at Munroh's startled look.

When Klark and her traveling people had reached her trading post almost half a year ago, Niylah had known almost instantly who Klark was.

When Klark had requested the presence of a healer and someone who knew the land and knew how to teach tracking and Trigedasleng, Niylah had been honored. She had a steady life at her trading post off the edge of Polis. But there was little that occurred in that area, besides the occasional encounter with a nomad or a pantha.

Her mother had been dead for years, and she had few friends. So when presented with such an opportunity, Niylah had taken it and had convinced her father, Oklu to come with them. The more they had traveled and the longer she had spent around Klark, the more Niylah had found her heart skip a beat and her skin heat up around the other young woman. She found her eyes on Klark's figure more and more as time went on. She had come to understand when they reached the edge of the land that just reached the vast waters where the Floukru's boats were, that she without a doubt wanted to have a sexual relationship with Klark, but Niylah knew even then that she felt something else.

After reaching the City of Lights, an abandoned city where technology still worked and only a few still living people had seen, Niylah had started realizing what else it was she felt for Klark. It wasn't just the admiration and idealization of a hero or attraction to a beautiful young woman. It was more than that and Niylah had stopped pretending that she didn't know what it was. It had come as a shock to her at first. But she imagined that if there was anyone for her to give her heart to, it could only be that woman.

Not because she was Wanheda. But because she was Klark.

Klark was amazing. She was remarkable. And Niylah understood after almost seven years of her heart having numbed after the death of her first homon, Maheena, who had been killed by Ripas, she had begun to feel love in the same way for the first time again. Her love for Maheena had not compared and she knew it. Maheena, a kind and compassionate woman had not had the strength that Klark possessed. She had not had the hope for the future that Klark still had. And Maheena would not have had the strength to carry on that Klark had, even though nightmares haunted her, the past haunted Klark.

But for them, for her people, she kept moving forward.

It was that strength that was one of the things that made Niylah wish to be with Klark, and that strength that made Niylah wish to be there for Klark when Klark couldn't be so strong. Even the strongest of warriors needed to be looked after.

And Niylah had learned after a time, watching Munroh watch Klark, what the braided young woman's feelings for Klark were too. And it was that intuition that made her realize that Munroh was lying about not being able to read.

And she had seen Munroh read before. When she was alone, out of Klark's sight, on the steps of one of the city's buildings, sitting, reading a book.

Munroh could read. But led Klark into believing that she could not so that she could get more lessons from Klark. It was a way of getting Klark to be around her more. Niylah had to admit, it was deceitful, but clever. Niylah did not believe that she would have lied to Klark, had she been in Munroh's place, but if it meant being closer to Klark, she wasn't sure she could blame the younger woman.

Munroh's dark green eyes moved away from Niylah, turning her head, frowning, as if ashamed. Niylah corrected Munroh's shame, "I do not judge, Sky girl. I understand. Better than you think. I understand perfectly. And it is a wise plan. If I did not wish to totally honest with Klark, then I perhaps would have used that tactic as well. This way you can spend more time with Klark while pretending that you know nothing of reading. It is a wise tactic. I admire your decision, if not find it a bit underhanded."

Munroh, now finally seeing that there was no point in denying Niylah's words nodded and winced. "I know it's dirty. But I've never felt like this about anyone I've ever met. I've had crushes and slept with plenty of people, sure. But it's never been anything like this."

Niylah wasn't entirely sure what the word "crushes" meant. She had heard it said by some of the Sky people before in their travels and assumed it had to do with people liking each other because of the context she heard it in. Sky people had such strange sayings. And she knew what "slept with" meant. And she understood precisely what Munroh was trying to tell her. Niylah had her shares of loves in the past. Even before her dead lover, Niylah had known many lovers who simply had fell out of her life. Men and women alike. Niylah had learned at a young age that she had a preference for women.

But even amongst the many women who she had hunted with, had sex with and even lived with, none of them had struck up the feeling of completeness as Niylah had felt when she was with Klark. Niylah understood after they had left the Floukru seaport that there was no point in resisting her heart's yearning for Klark. She was Klark's now. What Klark willed, Niylah would do. What Klark wished for, Niylah would act on the command.

Niylah had seen Munroh around Klark long enough to know that Munroh probably hadn't even put up much of a fight. Maybe Munroh hadn't even realized what she was feeling.

But Niylah knew that she and Munroh were in the same position. Their hearts both belonged to someone who was not ready to give her heart to anyone, not after being betrayed so brutally.

"I understand." Niylah said, nodding. "You wish you could pursue her. But you know that she would not welcome you. Not after what happened at the Mountain."

Munroh stared at Niylah, startled. Niylah smiled. Munroh was likely wondering how she had guessed this about Munroh.

Niylah nodded. "I am in the same position, Sky girl. I would not judge your position ever." Niylah turned around to look at everyone else to see if anyone was close enough to hear what she said next and she turned back to Munroh. "I wish for our hodness to be mine. But I would not ask her to give her heart so willingly after how her heart was wounded because of the Commander."

Monroe nodded, her green eyes turning a darker color with anger. "The Commander," Monroe growled. "That self-centered bitch. God, I can't believe someone can be so cold and unfeeling. She probably never had any feelings to begin with." Niylah chuckled. A part of her felt like she should defend her Heda. But the Commander had given up her right to be defended when she had so foolishly destroyed Klark's trust in her. The Commander had destroyed Klark's ability to trust, and Niylah knew that neither she, nor Munroh could rush what was between the three of them.

She doubted Klark knew about Munroh's feelings as she knew about Niylah's.

"I must wonder that myself, Munroh." Niylah confessed, feeling no shame for talking in such a degrading way about the supposedly "revered" commander she had been raised to respect the title of.

What was the point? The present Commander was dishonorable. Weak. Foolish. She gave the Mountain Men bone marrow. A way to walk above ground. And allowed them a way of getting at the villages of men, women and children. If it hadn't been for Klark, the Mountain Men would have waged war against all twelve of the tribes with their weapons after they had taken all the bone marrow that they could.

The Commander was weak. Was unfitting to be the leader of twelve tribes. She was weak and heartless. There was no point to being a part of her coalition when all she offered was lies and betrayal to her people.

The Commander was unworthy of the tribes. So there was no point in returning to the Commander or of respecting the Commander.

Klark was the only leader that Niylah would follow from now on.

It was safe, if not holy by now to speak with such a disdainful voice of the present Commander of the twelve tribes on the other side of the world.

She nodded in agreement with Munroh. "You're right." She admitted. "I don't know how anyone could still follow the Commander. But she is weak. And Klark deserved more than the betrayal she was given." Niylah added, smiling gently at Munroh, "I know you wish you could comfort her. I wish the same. All I can do is let her know how I feel and let her decide what she does from now on."

Monroe gaped at Niylah, startled. Niylah had told Clarke? When? How? Clarke never made it obvious. The again, Monroe guessed that she shouldn't be surprised. Clarke wasn't the type to just spread around peoples' business. She respected peoples' business as their own. She wasn't a gossiper like some of the other 100.

So no, Monroe guessed it wasn't really a surprise that Clarke knew about Niylah's feelings and never said a word of it.

"How well did she take you telling her?" Monroe asked Niylah, having a feeling it ended badly, for the reasons that Niylah had said. Niylah gave a small smile and she blinked a few times. "I'm afraid she took as well as we both could imagine she took it. She has been distrusting of me for a long time. Since I told her. You may have noticed that she avoids being in the same area as me alone for too long."

Monroe's eyes widened, remembering the times she had seen Clarke leave only a few times Niylah would enter an area. She hadn't thought anything of it at the time. She hadn't really put the pieces together. But now that she thought about it, yes, she had noticed it. All the times Clarke left an area when Niylah was there.

She would wait a few minutes, as if not to look suspicious, then take off as quickly as she could down the weed and grass infested streets to one of their other tents that their people had set up. She would never go fast enough to raise suspicion, but she would get out of there fast enough.

It was enough that if you really looked closely, you would become inquisitive about it. And Monroe's interest now was peaked with Niylah's observation. "Yeah…" Monroe winced. She didn't want Clarke to start distrusting her. This whole thing with pretending that she didn't know how to read? That helped to get Clarke to drop her guard down for a while. Loosen her up. It was nice seeing her not so authoritarian all the time and more open in showing people how to read. But the price was that Monroe didn't get to tell Clarke how she felt.

Monroe admitted it was underhanded and probably was dirty to do that when a lot of other kids really didn't know how to read. But Monroe found the more time spent with Clarke, the more her heart would skip a beat or heat would fill her chest and stomach. She had never felt any of those butterflies in her stomach with anyone else like she had with Clarke. It didn't just feel like she was warm and she could do anything. It felt like all Clarke had to do was look her way and Monroe's spine would turn to a puddle. Clarke made Monroe believed that tomorrow could be beautiful.

Instead of a blood spattered warzone.

Back in the Trikru land, Monroe had been a henchman of Bellamy's violent group. Monroe hadn't needed to learn fast that Bellamy didn't care whether she lived or died. She was just a soldier to him. she was expendable. So were Atom and Roma. Bellamy didn't care about them.

Clarke had admitted to all of them before they had gone off to the City of Lights that she had known about the missiles like the Commander had and had left a majority of their people to die in Ton DC. She had awaited their demanding for her to leave them. But Monroe hadn't done it, and neither had any of the others. Not Wells, not Raven, not Monty, not Miller, not Harper, Atom, Roma, Sterling or anyone else.

Because they got it.

If Clarke hadn't left some of them to die, then the rest of them died because the Mountain Men would figure out that there was someone in the mountain, and then they'd have no chance to beat the Mountain Men ever.

And if that happened? Then all of their people would have died.

That's why Clarke had done what she had done.

Monroe had gone over in her head more than a few times how she might have acted if she had found out back then that she had been one of the people that Clarke had left to die.

Would she have been as mature as she was now about it? Accepted Clarke's decision and loved her no matter what? Or she would have acted the same way Octavia had? Monroe had used to like Octavia. Admire her. Until she heard from Sterling and Atom who had gotten into the mountain with Octavia, how Octavia had reacted to Clarke.

Monroe had a recent disgust for Octavia. It had started out because Clarke had done everything she could for all of them and Octavia felt nothing but resentment. But now? Now Monroe was positive that she could shoot and kill Octavia. She had seen the way Octavia had looked at her and the others when they had followed Clarke across Camp Jaha and had left together to travel the world. Octavia thought of them as traitors. Not worth following. She had been disgusted by them.

Monroe couldn't believe there was a time when she had respected Octavia and her asshole brother.

Monroe looked back now and thought about the difference between Bellamy's value of them as soldiers and Clarke's value of them as soldiers. Bellamy knew they were useful. But that was all he saw. Soldiers. People he could boss around and make do things. And eventually help to save himself from being charged for Thelonius Jaha almost dying. But Clarke? Clarke might have left many of them to die, including Monroe. She might have done the most underhanded and disturbing things for her people, but she did them all for her people.

Monroe, Wells, Atom, Roma, Octavia, Monty, Jasper, all of them? She valued all of them as people. Not just as soldiers. Not like Bellamy did.

It had taken some growing up on Monroe's part, but she had figured it all out for herself. She was an adult now enough to know that the others had never really cared about them. Kane, Jaha, Abby Griffin, Bellamy, Octavia, the Grounders. None of them had cared about her or any of the 100.

Clarke was their best bet.

Even if they all ended up dead, Clarke had done more than enough. Octavia didn't get to say that Clarke hadn't done enough or that Clarke didn't care about them. Not when Clarke was the one that had gone back into the mountain for all of them, even after the Commander left all of them to die. Not when Clarke and Wells had pulled the lever in the mountain together. Not when Clarke had bled, lied, almost died and killed for them again and again. Octavia could not say the same. Monroe was sure that all Octavia cared about was herself, Bellamy and Lincoln. Maybe Indra too, but that was it.

And the more Monroe thought about Bellamy, the more she realized she had been duped. Conned.

Monroe wasn't like Clarke. She wasn't a deep thinker. She didn't do a lot of reflecting, until recently. She knew how to read fine, sure. Only because she had been called an idiot enough times on the Ark for not knowing how to read when she was little that she had watched other people write in English and had done the same, figuring out how things were pronounced and seeing which letters of the alphabet came first and all that.

But she wasn't that big on philosophy and the deeper meaning of life and why people did what they did.

But since they had way more peace than if they had been in the Trikru land, the more Monroe thought about the reasons why Bellamy did what he did, the less Monroe found there being any respect for him.

Wells told Monroe about Raven's radio. Raven's radio had been thrown into the river by Bellamy to save him from being killed or arrested for Jaha being shot. And 300 people had died to save air on the Ark.

Monroe wasn't good at math on top of everything else, but she was sure that in the scheme of things, 300 lives were more important than just 1 life. And Bellamy had been willing to kill more than just 300 people. If they hadn't eventually reached the Ark through radio, then everyone on the Ark would have died. Millions of people would have died.

And Bellamy hadn't cared. Or hadn't cared enough or in time. He just hadn't acted in time.

He decided to care far too late. And then Monroe found out that Bellamy had hanged Atom from a tree just because Atom went near Octavia. She also learned from Atom who had talked to Murphy that Bellamy had talked about cutting off Clarke's hand to get her life detecting bracelet. And that when Wells had been away from the group, Bellamy and his group had overpowered Wells and had cut off his wristband Wells had told her.

And Bellamy had just watched and had done nothing while someone younger than him was pinned down and had his bracelet forcefully removed. Wells's wrist had been sprained for a week and he had been shaken up. Monroe had used to be amused knowing that. She had bought into Bellamy's bullshit of "us vs. the privileged." But now, she didn't believe it. Bellamy had been the problem. The whole time. And she had never known. She felt like such an idiot. In the mountain, Clarke claimed that Bellamy was doing all he could for them, but Monroe hadn't seen it and didn't believe it. Monty had been the one to wire everything to the lever in the Mountain and Clarke and Wells had been the ones to pull the lever.

Bellamy didn't do anything.

Hero worship was a painful thing. Especially when the hero was torn from their pedestal. And Bellamy was off the pedestal that Monroe had put him on. And he was down in the mud, and covered by the mud.

Monroe still thought it was kind of sad. But she guessed that that was part of growing up, right? Clarke was too kind and forgiving to believe that Bellamy was a problem or not see him as a friend and ally. Monroe knew that Bellamy was a liar and so did Wells. Clarke wouldn't accept it. But Monroe could.

And then Monroe realized that her feelings for Clarke were changing. Monroe had always been loyal. But she realized when Clarke had helped deliver Robbie, Atom and Harper's son that she wasn't going to love anyone else the way she loved the other young blonde girl. She might be infatuated with a few people. Might lust after them. Might even love them.

But nothing like the way Monroe loved Clarke. And she knew it.

But like Niylah had said, there was going to be a while before Clarke let herself trust anyone with her heart again after the damage that Lexa had willingly dealt to Clarke at the mountain. It hurt Monroe so much to think about. And it made her furious. It made her wish she could go to Polis every now and then and set the whole place on fire. The only reason why she didn't was because she knew Clarke wouldn't approve and because it would bring more danger on their group that had stayed under the radar so far.

So Monroe knew she couldn't do that. Staying under the radar was usually a good idea, as they learned with life on Earth.

You either had the biggest guns in the world and ruled everyone else, or you idiotically called attention to yourself and got killed. Monroe knew that Clarke was thinking about going back to the Trikru lands to check on the rest of their people. They had many, many weapons from the mountain and many weapons they had obtained around the City of Lights. If they wanted to, they could threaten the Grounders into submission. But Clarke had made it apparent that she wanted everyone safe. And she thought the best way to do that was to keep under the radar. Not be seen or heard from.

But they all knew that one day they would have to go back. They would have to go back and make sure the rest of their people were safe.

Monroe doubted that Clarke would be able to stay away for too long. But for now they'd have to wait it out as long and as well as they could.

Monroe stared at Niylah, thinking about what they had in common. Not much, from the few encounters that they had during this trip. They had talked a few times, but that was it. They were both quieter than others. And Monroe would confess to not being even close to being as deadly as Niylah was. But they were very different. From different cultures. Different places of birth. Monroe was born on the Ark and Niylah on the ground. And Monroe was sure that Niylah didn't have as dirty thoughts about Clarke as she did. Hey, she loved Clarke, but Monroe wasn't going to lie that she wanted to _show_ Clarke just how much she loved her.

And Monroe really doubted that Niylah wanted to do most of the things that Monroe wanted to do with Clarke.

"Well," Monroe said, joking, grinning, "I guess it's a good thing that Clarke has one person who isn't a pervert in love with her." Niylah's eyes narrowed with confusion. "What does that word mean?" She asked, curious. Monroe tried not to burst out laughing. She should have figured that Grounders wouldn't know what that word meant. Pervert. She chuckled. "It means that you want to do very sexual things with someone. Like me. I love Clarke. But I don't think she'd let me near her if she knew what some of the really sexual stuff was that I wanted to do with her." Monroe knew her definition of "pervert" wasn't right, but it was as closest as she could come to explaining it.

Niylah gave Monroe a strange look. "Why wouldn't she, Munroh?" Niylah asked. "Do any of the things you want involve harming Klark? Or forcing yourself on her?"

Monroe almost spit in anger, horror hitting when she heard that question. What the hell? No fucking way.

Monroe shook her head, disgusted. "No way, Grounder. I sure don't want to hurt her. I'd kill anyone that tried to hurt her. And I'd want someone to do the same to me if they saw me hurt her. And rape? Fuck you, Niylah. I'd never force anyone into anything like that. And if I ever did that to Clarke-and I'll never do it, but if I somehow did it, I'd _want_ Clarke to kill me."

That answer looked like it satisfied Niylah. The older blonde smiled. "So then what could be so frightening in what you want to do with Klark?" Monroe simply answered with another chuckle, smirking, looking past Niylah at where she could see Clarke emerging from one of the buildings, carrying some new medical supplies. Monroe guessed that the building Clarke had gone into what had used to be a hospital before the bombs.

"It's not that it's scary by itself." Monroe said. "You said it yourself. You don't think Clarke will let you near her so soon after what the Commander did to her. Clarke…I don't want to scare her with how much I want with her. I've had sex before. A lot." Monroe smiled, laughing a little at the memories. "All of those relationships couldn't even come close to how I feel about Clarke. And I know that Clarke has had sex." She added, looking at Niylah's questioning eyes. "She was with this guy, Finn for a while. He died."

Niylah nodded. "The merciful act." She answered and Monroe wondered how the older woman knew about that. Maybe Raven or one of the others had told her. Maybe Clarke had. Maybe Niylah had heard it from another Grounder as rumors about Clarke spread around the different tribes. She nodded. "Yeah. So I know that Clarke's had sex before. But for her I think it's usually involves emotions. Love of some kind. And that's why I want to wait. I don't…she's been through enough. I don't want to scare her." Niylah nodded. "That is why I also tell her nothing about what I wish to do to her, should she only give me permission."

Monroe looked at Niylah, startled. Niylah gave Monroe a little smirk. "Do you think you're the only one that wishes to send her over to the edge of ecstasy and not give her release for hours, not give her release until she begs for it? Or that you're the only one that wishes to devour her until she is weak and limp against the ground, ravaged by pleasure?"

Monroe gaped at Niylah, mouth dropping. Her eyes probably looked like they were gonna drop right out of their sockets and fall to the ground in a couple of bloody small puddles.

Had Niylah really just said that?

She really looked at Niylah, wrapping her head around what she had just heard. Holy shit. Niylah had just said that she wanted to…to what now to Clarke?

At Monroe's stunned look, Niylah chuckled, smiling. "Did you think you were the only one with many sexual thoughts about Klark?" Niylah cocked her head, her smirk only growing. "Did you think you were the only one that wished to make her cry to the sky in pleasure until her body couldn't take it anymore? Did you think you were the only that wished to make her scream? Munroh, you are many things, but I've never believed that you were innocent. What did you think I wished to do with her? I love her. And I know that sex is a part of showing that you are in love."

Monroe was given little to no time to recover. She shivered at the visuals that Niylah was giving her of Clarke.

All of those things, Monroe wanted to be doing to Clarke, doing for that beautiful, gentle, strong and selfless girl. That traumatized, beautiful leader of theirs who deserved so much better. Monroe wanted to do exactly what Niylah had described wanting to do to Clarke. And she wanted Clarke to watch with hunger as they both did it.

Monroe's skin felt hot and she tried not to shiver at the thought. Both of them, taking turns with Clarke. That, admittedly was a really good fantasy to have. But a torturous one if she couldn't act on it.

Niylah added, "Do you know what the difference is between you and me, Munroh?" Monroe looked at Niylah, confused. Niylah hadn't said that in any cruel or arrogant way, so Monroe wasn't sure why she was saying it. Niylah finished her own question. "The difference is that I will admit to my feelings. You? You hide. And you don't realize what it's doing to Klark, not knowing that there are two people with her people that have given their hearts to her." Monroe frowned. "How am I not helping her?" She couldn't help the anger in her question. She had done everything she could to make sure that Clarke didn't have any more real hardships to deal with. That she would pull her own weight and Clarke wouldn't have to look after her like she used to have to. Like she looked after all of them.

Niylah had a sad smile on her face. "Klark has gone through so much. She is haunted by the past. She has nightmares. She sees horrible things that others cannot see. She believes that this makes her weak. And ugly." Monroe's jaw tightened and she mildly felt the need to punch Niylah for saying that. Her hands twitched, grateful that she had left her guns and rifles in one of the buildings they slept in. "Clarke is NOT weak or u-"

"I know. I know." Niylah said to the younger, holding her hand up and Monroe noticed people now looking at them, tense. They were wondering where the threat to their people was, after hearing Monroe get worked up. But when they saw not threat, they slowly went back to reading and playing. Monroe sighed, feeling like smacking her head against the wall for calling attention to herself like that.

"I know that." Niylah said. "And you know that. But Klark doesn't know that. I've seen the look in her eyes before. In the eyes of other warriors who have been through as much as she has been through. They think they are broken, or too weak to carry on in this world. They believe they have a stain on their soul for the things that they've had to do to protect their families and people. They did what they had to, as did Klark. But the nightmares and hauntings never fade. It's not that Klark is weak or ugly. She isn't. And i know that. But she believes it. And you not telling her that you love her the way you do and that you cherish her for who she is, only hurts her more. Even if she doesn't trust us because of that love, her knowing that we love her is better than believing that she is unworthy of that love."

Niylah's words were like a hand forcing Monroe's decision. Without meaning to, Monroe turned and looked past Niylah, at where Clarke was again, seeing that Clarke had spotted the two of them. Niylah looked at Monroe and followed Monroe's eyes to where Clarke was standing.

Out of the corner of her eye, Monroe saw that Niylah was smirking at Clarke. Whatever their desires were, they must have translated those desires in how they stared at Clarke. Because Clarke tensed and quickly looked away, almost shivering and walked over to where Harper and Wells were.

Monroe discovered that she didn't feel like she had screwed up with this. Just that they had made their feelings more apparent.

Monroe asked, "You said you approved of what I was doing, right?" "Yes," Niylah said. "If you wish to keep this a secret, then yes, I approve. Well hidden. But if you wish Klark to know that she is loved, then you have failed. But that is your decision, isn't it?"

Monroe turned to Niylah slowly. She grit her teeth together and made her decision. She asked, "You said that you were keeping your distance, right?" Monroe thought about it for a second, remembering seeing many flowers growing in different places around the city. "I was thinking of getting some flowers for Clarke. Want to come along?"

Niylah cocked her head. "Flowers?" She asked. "Is there something about flowers that are important?"

Monroe chuckled. "Maybe it's time you learn about Sky people flirting. Come on." Monroe nodded to one of the more barren roads where flowers, weeds and grass had overgrown on it, by growing up through the large cracks in the gravel. "Let's find some flowers for Clarke." She growled quietly, "I don't fucking think that Clarke is weak or ugly. Dammit, I won't let her think that." Clarke might not have been ready to follow through on any feelings, but Monroe wasn't going to hide her feelings anymore. If a damn Grounder could wax poetic and make something sound dirty and hot at the same time about wanting to be with Clarke so much, then Monroe could sure as hell put more effort in her pursuits. As Niylah had said, Clarke might not be ready to allow anyone close yet after Lexa's betrayal. But Monroe knew that if Niylah could be brave enough to let Clarke know how she felt and be patient and wait, then Monroe could be that brave too.

She would not push the issue, like Niylah wouldn't, but damn it, she could be brave too. She didn't need to lie to be close to Clarke. The lying had worked. But if Niylah's words were proof of anything, this way would be showing Clarke that it didn't matter what she had done. Everything that happened at Mount Weather, all the trauma Clarke was experiencing, Monroe and Niylah didn't think she was broken because of it. Monroe didn't think it for a minute. And she'd show Clarke that. If a fucking Grounder could acknowledge that trauma didn't make someone weak or any less beautiful then Monroe knew she could too.

 **By the way is Ton DC in the 100 called "Ton DC" or "** **Tondisi?" I've seen it spelled both ways, but I don't know which we're supposed to go with.**


End file.
